


Five Times Roxas Helped Someone Out, and the One Time He Needed Help

by Kelly_Namikaze



Series: Roxas 4/5+1 things [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: An okay friend, Angst with a Happy Ending, Axel is kinda an ass, Axel stepping up to the plate, Dark Thoughts, Depression, Fights, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Multi, Please help this poor boy, Roxas (Kingdom Hearts) Has Issues, Roxas is a Good Bro, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, bros being dudes, he tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:27:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_Namikaze/pseuds/Kelly_Namikaze
Summary: Roxas would not describe the day as particularly pleasant.The plan, was to go into his room and brood until he fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow would be better. But, as everything else that day, it didn’t quite go the blonde’s way.Because when he opened the front door Sora was curled up on the couch, very obviously crying.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one is pretty dark, and minus well be a vent fic, for all that I'm projecting onto this poor boy. Please read the tags for triggers, be safe my dudes. (Saix is tagged as Isa bc AO3 hates me)

**1 **

Roxas was having a bad day. 

Getting to school, he had gotten into a fight with Seifer before he had even entered the building, losing said fight (see black eye for more details). Xion had scolded him for the fight, going into a lecture about college and how acting like a delinquent was hurting his chances of getting into a good one. Que Roxas snapping at her that he didn’t _care_ because what was the point of going to college? So she wasn’t talking to him. And now he was heading home instead of Axel’s because the redhead had a date with some random chick.

So no, Roxas would not describe the day as particularly pleasant.

The  _ plan _ , was to go into his room and brood until he fell asleep, hoping that tomorrow would be better. But, as everything else that day, it didn’t quite go the blonde’s way.

Because when he opened the front door, Sora was curled up on the couch, very obviously crying. Instantly, Roxas shoved down any and all anger or sadness he felt as he quietly crept past his older twin to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror, Roxas hissed at the darkening bruise that circled his eye as he pulled out his makeup bag. He tried his best, but it still looked a tad off, like he hadn’t slept at all last night, which was better than the alternative.

Coming out of the washroom, he approached the couch, and Sora’s head whipped around when he was a few steps away.

“Roxas! When did you get home?” The brunette asked his younger counterpart, and Roxas held back a wince at the obvious tear tracks on Sora’s face.

“Just a minute ago. What’s wrong?”

Sora’s eyes widened like he just realized that people could see his face, and he blushed slightly. “Umm…” He mumbled “It’s kinda stupid.”

Roxas rolled his eyes and fell onto the couch. “I’m sure it’s not too bad. And I’m a great listener, unless it’s something Riku or Dads have to say.” 

That got a light giggle before the brunette looked back down at his knees. “It’s just, I really like Kairi.”

The blonde’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion when his brother didn’t add anything. “Okay… and that’s a problem?”

“You know she only has eyes for Riku!” Came the whine, and Roxas blew out a large breath.

“Oh, Sora. That’s not anything to worry about, it’s called a schoolgirl crush for a reason. She’ll grow out of it, and then you’ll be there to sweep her off her feet! I mean, it won’t be hard, you’re super lovable, you can cook, you bake, always cheerful and fun, and you’re adorable.” Roxas raised an eyebrow when Sora contested the last point. “Sure thing, whatever you say, but my other points still stand.”

The elder now had a small smile on his face as he looked at the blonde. “Thanks, Roxas. I really needed that.”

Roxas blushed lightly and waved off the thanks. “Eh, you would’ve done the same for me. Now come on,” The younger dragged Sora to the kitchen. “Can you teach me how to make your brownies? I need to bribe Axel.”

And Roxas lets Sora lead him through the steps even though he won’t remember, letting the time with his brother be used like a balm against his soul. When Riku, Cloud and Leon get home, Roxas let them talk, staying mostly quiet, just soaking it in. Partway through dinner he must have spaced out, because all of a sudden everyone was staring at him.

“Huh?” He asked, and Cloud’s brow furrowed in concern.

“You alright there squirt? You’ve been quiet.”

Roxas blinked a couple times. “Yeah, I just didn’t sleep much last night.” He yawned to prove his point, even if he was wide awake. _(Stop worrying them _Roxas_, they don’t need to deal with your shit too)_

Leon hummed, and everything seemed to go back to normal.

Hours later, when everyone in the house had retired for the night, Roxas would sneak into the bathroom to remove his makeup, grimacing in pain as he rubbed off the concealer. He’d prod at it gingerly, knowing that he’d have to grab an ice pack if he wanted to continue to hide it.

He couldn’t have them waste effort on him, he wasn’t worth it.

And he did these things, not imagining the air rushing past him as he fell, the peace that would settle seconds before the end.

Not at all.

**2**

Sitting on the roof of the school, Roxas pointedly did _not_ think about why he was sitting without his friends.

He wasn’t hiding. He wasn’t. 

He was just… taking a break from them. Roxas didn’t need their concern, or worse, pity. It’s not like anything was wrong, he and Seifer got back together, even though Roxas’ eye was still a sickly looking purple under the makeup he slathered on. And he had apologized to Xion (through a note) so that was okay. Axel may not be talking to him currently, but that was okay, he didn’t need that asshole anyways.

And if it weren’t for the exclamation of someone behind him, he probably would’ve sat on the railing of the school roof until sunset, totally not avoiding everyone. 

“Hey! You shouldn’t sit there! It’s dangerous!” Looking over his shoulder, he saw one of the skater kids, Max? Standing there with a scared look on his face.

“Huh? Only if you’re an idiot or suicidal.” Was the blonde’s response, and when Max’s shoulders hunched, Roxas frowned. 

Max brushed his raven hair back and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Sorry.” The kid turned around to walk away when something pulled at Roxas to keep him talking. 

“Hey, aren’t you Mr. G’s kid? Max, right?” Said teen turned around with a sour look on his face.

“I like to pretend there’s no relation if I can help it. Yourself?”

The blonde scratched the back of his head awkwardly, realizing Sora must be rubbing off on him again. “Roxas Strifehart. Why aren’t you hanging out with your friends?”

“Why aren’t you?” Max countered, and Roxas winced. “Yeah, me too.”

“Do you wanna maybe, not hang out with our friends together?” Roxas tried, and was surprised when Max gave a small smile.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

So the two boys head down to a little known park a few blocks from the school, and Roxas learns that Max is really looking forward to college with his two friends, even if they are a bit much sometimes, and how he’d maybe like to become a teacher, like his dad. And at the end of the day, when the sun is setting, they say goodbye, with plans to hang out in the future.

“Thanks for this Roxas, it really made me feel better. I’ll see you next Thursday?” the dark haired teen asked, getting a nod in return.

“Anytime, Maxy.”

“Hey!”

And when he went home, Roxas had dinner with his family, not talking at all about his day, too busy thinking about who he let pass him by while he sat in the same bubble of friends his entire life, and how most new friends wouldn’t care enough to badger him.

Maybe they’d let him do what he wanted.

**3**

Waking up sucked, Roxas decided as he climbed out of bed that day, feeling his scrapes and bruises from the day before scream at him. He had gotten into a fight with the largest bully in school yesterday, Xenmas. He had been picking on Olette, which he couldn’t stand for. And sure, it was the fourth fight he had been in this week, but so what? As long as Cloud and Leon didn’t find out, it’d be fine.

He _didn’t_ have a problem.

When he finally dragged himself downstairs to face the day, he was surprised to see Riku sitting at the kitchen island with his face in his hands, no coffee in sight. Frowning, Roxas went to start up the coffee machine, putting aside how his body screamed in protest when he reached for items. 

The sound of movement seemed to wake the silver haired male out of his daze. “Oh, hi Roxas.” Riku greeted, a fake smile plastered on his face that made Roxas want to wipe it away.

“Morning. Have you been up all night?” The guilty look told the blonde everything he needed to know. “Do you want coffee?” 

Teal eyes narrowed in confusion. “Aren’t you going to ask why?” 

Roxas shook his head, while debating if he should go to the doctors. It felt like he had a cracked rib. “If I’d thought it’d do any good. You talk less than Dad and Pops combined after all. Here’s your coffee, you look like you need it.” A cup was slid across the island, and Riku caught it easily.

“Right back at you.” The elder mumbled, before downing half the cup in one go. When he was finished, he stared at the cup for a long minute. “I think I might be gay.” He whispered.

Roxas paused for a moment, before setting his own drink on the counter. “...We have two dads, so I’m confused as to why you’re losing sleep over it.”

“It’s just, I don’t know, aggravating. I’m supposed to like girls, right? And I get that that isn’t how it works, and I wouldn’t trade Cloud or Leon for the world, but I thought I was straight. I already had myself figured out.” The frustration was heavy in his voice.

“You know, I get where you’re coming from.” 

Riku blinked at him. “You do?”

“Well, not exactly, because we’re different people, but a little. I thought that I was going to grow up and probably end up marrying either Olette or Xion. And they’re very good friends, and I love them dearly, and I even went through an embarrassing crush on both of them. But they’re just friends. Which is okay. And boys, well, it depends on the boy.” The blonde explained, and Riku grinned at him for a moment.

“Do you have a _secret boyfriend_, Roxas?” The younger rolled his eyes, even as he thought of the blonde he had brawled with just two days ago.

“No. The point I’m trying to make is that you being gay, or bi, or whatever you find yourself identifying yourself as is okay. And even if you find yourself changing your labels, or you decide not to label yourself, that’s fine too. Just do what makes you happy.” 

The elder seemed surprised. “I’m shocked, Roxas. Where did this miraculous knowledge come from?”

“I can be a good person when I want to be. However, would you be willing to drive me to school today? I will end Rai if I hear him say y’know one more time.” It totally wasn’t because the shocks on the bus were so worn that it would be hell riding to school with all the potholes.

The silverette smiled lightly. “Sure, but only today.”

Later in the day, when the gym teacher asked why he wasn’t doing as well as he normally did, he would laugh as he told a series of unfortunate events due to clumsiness.

He couldn’t feel himself breaking apart, piece by piece, dreaming of air rushing around him.

Right?

**4**

He looked like a wreck.

It was five in the morning, and normally he’d still be in bed, but for a while now, he’d been getting up early to hide the bags under his eyes, the sickly pallor to his skin, the bits of bruises and scrapes and…. Other injuries that weren’t hidden by a long sleeve shirt and pants.

He was going to have to restock soon, he thought, he’d been using so much of it that he was almost out. That’s okay, he had recently gotten a job at the nearby Tim Hortons as an excuse to skip out on hanging with his friends. He only really still talked to Max and his family, he had managed to avoid most everyone else for going on three weeks.

Well, he hung out with Seifer, but that didn’t really count, because they either fought or made out. Less dating, more stress relief. Axel had tried cornering him a couple times at school though, so Roxas knew it was only a matter of time.

Finally ready for the day, the blonde went into the kitchen planning to grab something to eat, his stomach complaining due to missing out on dinner the night before, only to see both his parents standing in the kitchen, which was odd.

“Hey dad, pops.” He greeted, going over to the fridge when his dad's hand landed on his shoulder, making him wince.

Leon let go of Roxas’ shoulder instantly, a look of horror flashing in his eyes even as his face remained impassive as always. “Roxas,” Cloud started, a look of concern on his face. “Are you okay? Lately you’ve been… off.”

“Oh yeah, it’s just been busy.” He lied through his teeth, but at least this one was practiced. Because he had to be fine, Riku and Sora needed more attention and effort, which was fine. Roxas knew that they deserved it more, he was the trouble child that was a part of the wrong crowd, **_not important._**

His pops didn’t exactly seem convinced, but nodded anyways. “Well, just know that I’m here if you need me. We both are.”

Roxas nodded, and hugged his parents, because that’s what he was supposed to do. “Of course pops. There’s no need to worry.” Not after that month anyways. “I’m going for a walk before school, so I’ll see you later.” He escaped the house as quickly as he could, and it wasn’t until he was a block and a half away from home he felt his stomach growl again. 

“I’ll just go to McDonald's.” The blonde murmured to himself. As he sat down, he saw Xion come in and buy herself a hot drink before sitting in a corner. She obviously hadn’t caught sight of Roxas, staring at the tiled ceiling with a blank gaze.

Sighing, the teen stood up and sat down in front of her. “What’s wrong Xi?”

She startled, blinking before focusing on the boy in front of her. “Roxas! What ar-” She stopped like she didn’t quite know what to ask.

“Hey. What’s got you so down?” The answer had Roxas cringe in shame.

“You! I haven’t talked to you three weeks Roxas. I am your best friend, or did you forget that? And I just want to help.” Her eyes misted over and the blonde felt guilt rising with the bile in his throat. “Why won’t you let us help?”

Her whispered statement had Roxas’ eyes welling up as well. “I’m sorry I worried you Xion, but it was just a rough patch, and I’m doing better now. And I know I should’ve talked to you about it, but I was worried you were still mad at me.”

She frowned at him. “Oh come on, that was forever ago! And it’s not just me you’ve been avoiding, but Axel, Hayner, Pence, Olette too. If not me, why not them?”

“Axel and I… well I’m not really happy with him right now. And the others have been a bit much lately, I needed some space. But I’m feeling better now, so it’ll be back to normal soon.” He lied, (_**again**, oh if the others only _knew_ how two-faced you were_) reaching out and grabbing her hand.

Xion still looked concerned. “Are you certain you’re okay now?”

“Hundred and ten percent. No need to worry.” The blonde smiled, Xion returning it in kind. “Now, what have I missed with drama the past couple days?”

And as Xion gossiped at him, Roxas relaxed slowly, because it was familiar and normal. Later that day, he’d apologize to his other friends, promising not to fall off the grid again, and they’d accept it and let him back into the fold easily. Axel was still trying to corner him, but that could be saved for another day.

Roxas could deal with his problems another day.

**5**

He was failing.

English, Chemistry, and Math. The others he was just barely scraping by on and it hurt. He was supposed to be good at school, it was the one thing he was good at. But because of his…_ issues_, he had managed to fall behind. Badly.

Sighing, Roxas tried to think of a way to put off the inevitable. “If I went to a friends house directly after school maybe.” The blonde quickly texted his parents asking if he could go over to Xion’s for the night. They both favoured her out of all of their son’s other friends, and never minded when they wanted to hang out.

Not that he was going to hang out with her, but it was something to tide them over. He whooped lightly when he got the okay, and quickly escaped the school, dodging and weaving through people until he had come to stop at the park he had first hung out with Max.

It was normally pretty empty, so when he saw someone seated on one of the swings, he stopped. It was Saix, staring at the manila folder in his hands with what could only be described as dread. 

Roxas debated going over and asking what was wrong, even if it was kind of obvious. Saix was Axel’s friend, not his, so he wasn’t obligated too, but Roxas knew he’d feel like crap if he just left the guy there. Sighing, the blonde went to sit next to the older teen.

“Bad grades got you down?” He knew that Saix wasn’t one to beat around the bush, so he’d be as straightforward as possible.

If the blunette was startled by Roxas’ presence, he didn’t show it, shaking his head in the negative. “No, that’s not quite it. This is my last report card before graduation.”

“Oh.” That’s right, Saix and Axel were seniors. “Plans for after?”

The teen snorted with disgust. “Not any that I am looking forward to.” Roxas tilted his head in confusion, and Saix grimaced. “My parents want me to be a doctor. I’m starting schooling in the fall for it.”

“And you don’t want to be one?” Man, Roxas was not the right one to be talking to about this, but damn if he was backing out now.

“Not particularly. But they’ve done so much for me that it’s my job to go to school and become successful.” He sighed wistfully.

“What would you like to do? If you had the option.” Roxas was curious, as he didn’t know a lot about the blunette.

Saix shrugged. “I haven’t allowed myself to think on it for a long time… perhaps a teacher. For elementary.”

“That is not what I would’ve pegged you as. More of a college professor if anything.” The older teen rolled his eyes, but smiled lightly. “Why don’t you go for that? Being a teacher is perfectly respectable.”

“They… wouldn’t see it that way. A lawyer, sure. A doctor? Wonderful. A teacher though?_ You’re breaking your poor parents' hearts. Do you have any idea how much we have sacrificed to give you the best in life? And you want to repay us by teaching children?_” Saix huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. “Yeah, it’d go great.”

The two sat in silence for a minute, Roxas thinking up a way to respond.

“Saix, you are… ridiculously smart. Axel likes to brag about how he has the smartest person as his best friend, and he means every word. So yeah, you could probably go to and become a doctor, no problem. But if you aren’t happy, there’s no point. Your parents may think that they know best, but you are basically eighteen. If you want to teach, then teach. Sure, they may not approve, but at the end of the day, it’s not them you have to please, it’s you. If your parents love you, they’ll come around.” Looking over, Saix had a deep frown on his face.

“But I owe them so much, it’d make them happier if I just… did what they wanted.” Roxas noticed the clenched fists crinkling the paper in the blunette’s hands.

“Dude,” Roxas started, gently getting Saix to let go of the report card before it ripped. “Parents are _supposed_ to take care of their kids. That’s their job. Heck, they even get paid for it. So you need to realize that you don’t owe them your life. It’s yours to live, not theirs.”

“I’ll, I’ll think on it.” The blonde pretended not to see the tears in the older teens eyes. “Thanks Roxas, you didn’t have to do this.”

Roxas shrugged. “Eh, what are friends of friends for?”

A small smirk. “Indeed.”

Soon, Saix changed the subject and they talked for a few hours before the elder had to leave for dinner, Roxas wishing him luck. Alone now, the blonde climbed the play structure and watched the sun go down, and the stars come up. He was thankful that it was April, he didn’t know what he’d do if it was ten degrees cooler.

He thought about how he was going to break the news to his parents about his report card. He wouldn’t if he could help it, he could get his grades back up in time for finals after all, right? 

“If I don’t give up by then, I guess.”

Roxas didn’t sleep that night, watching the sun rise with tired eyes.

**+.5**

He was doing it. Tonight.

His feet carried him to the clocktower without conscious thought, muscle memory leading him through town. The past month had caught up with him, and he was done.

This morning, Axel had finally cornered him at school in between periods.

_ He was just trying to get to Chemistry, as he had finally started putting effort back into it, when a heavy hand came down on his shoulder. “Roxas.” He knew that voice. _

_ “I have class Axel.” He tried to shrug the hand off, but was instead dragged into a side hallway. “Seriously?! Let me go, asshole.”He tried to walk away, but his only exit was blocked. _

_ “No can do, Roxas. Not until you tell me why you’ve been ignoring me.” The redhead was adamant, and the blonde could feel his temper snap. _

_ “Oh! You wanna know why  _ I’ve  _ been ignoring you?  _ I’m  _ not the one who kept shoving off hanging out to go play tonsil hockey with some random bimbo! And it’s not the first time that’s happened either! Reliably, every second time we make plans, you double book yourself! You should get yourself a goddamn calendar. So I figured some space would do me some good, because I was  _ obviously _ being too clingy, I cared more than you about our friendship.” Roxas almost yelled, his hair now even more of a mess from pulling on it, and his fists were clenched as if to punch the taller boy. _

_ The elder teen looked as if he  _ had  _ been punched. “Roxas, I…” He ran a hand through his hair, as if preparing himself. “I don’t know what to say. You couldn’t just tell me this instead of pushing me away?” _

_ “Whatever Axel, I don’t care anymore. If you didn’t wanna hang out, all you had to do was say so.” With that, he pushed past the redhead, speed walking down the hall. _

_ He could hear Axel calling his name, and right before he reached his classroom, Roxas turned around. “I don’t want to hear it. Leave me **alone**, Axel.” The blonde pretended that when the hurt flashed across the taller's face, he didn’t wince internally.  _

_ But Axel quickly recovered, the hurt turned into anger. “Fine, asshole. I will.” And he turned around, disappearing in the crowd quickly. _

Adding on, his parents had been called in due to him and Xemnas starting a brawl in the cafeteria during lunch, which meant that not only did they know about the fights, but his awful grades which he had managed to hide up until that point.

_ They had just exited the principal's office Roxas now suspended for the rest of the week. There was a stifling silence as they walked to the car, and it made Roxas want to scream. Nobody spoke until they were all sitting in the car.  _

_ “So,” Leon started, gripping the steering wheel just a bit too tight. “You have anything to say for yourself?” The principal had barely let anyone get a word in, far too hysterical at the mayhem caused. _

_ “I’m not sorry. That asshole had it coming, he’s been picking on Olette for the past three weeks.”  _

_ Cloud frowned. “Language. And it’s not just that Roxas. You didn’t tell us that you were struggling in class, or the fact that you’ve been getting into fights more and more often.” _

_ The blonde didn’t have an answer for that, and the car fell quiet again. Getting home, they entered the house with the somberness of a funeral procession. Leon looked at Roxas as they entered the living room. _

_ “I wish you’d just told us Roxas. We could’ve worked with you on this. Now… you’re grounded, no electronics and no friends over for the next two weeks. School, and then home.” Roxas, exhausted and in pain, just nodded numbly, dropping his phone into Cloud’s hand. _

_ Both his parents hugged him, Cloud adding “We love you, kiddo.” Before he went to the bathroom and washed off all his makeup, after all, they already knew, and went to his bedroom. He placed his laptop and the chords for his tv in the hallway, turning off the lights. Lying on his bed, Roxas stared at the ceiling, wondering how everything went so wrong. _

He hadn’t come down for dinner, claiming he just wanted to sleep. And when everyone went to bed, he thought _why not?_ His parents thought he was useless, Axel hated him, he was a terrible friend to Xion, and his brothers didn’t need him, they had each other.

So Roxas opened his bedroom window, glad that there was a large tree just outside of it. And as his feet brought him to the top of the clock tower, he sat down on the ledge, looking down at the world around him.

Being almost one in the morning, it was quiet, the street below empty save the occasional car. He was grateful, his mind was already loud enough. 

Do it

_ Do it _

** _Do it_ **

He stood up, walking over to one of the corners. Turning around, he stared at the place he had had so many good memories with his friends, and he smiled. They’d be okay without him, they all would. Probably even better.

** _DO IT_ **

Roxas let himself fall backwards.


	2. Chapter 2

**+1**

It was even better than his dreams, the wind rushing around him was refreshing, the moon was full and bright, giving him a good last memory. As he came closer to the ground, the sounds of screeching tires and a woman crying out in shock reached his ears, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Roxas was at peace, only a few meters from the ground… 

And then arms closed around him, and he was no longer falling.

Someone had plucked him out of midair, and was bridal carrying him away. The worst part was, he couldn’t even _tell_ who his new enemy was, because a mask (helmet?) covered everything from sight. The blonde was so shocked, that it took until he had been set down beside a teen that looked… scarily similar to him before he realized the situation.

Roxas glared at the teen that had prevented his death. “What was the big fucking idea? You got a hero complex or some shit?”

He snorted, reaching up to remove the mask, leaving a metal jaw piece behind. “Hell no. That would be your twin sitting beside you. He insisted that we save your sorry ass.”

“What?” Roxas was so confused, and more than a little angry. He turned towards the other blonde who looked sheepish, and really out of breath. “Who are you guys? And why do you guys have giant… keys?” Really, Roxas was almost sure he actually had died, and this was just an odd version of purgatory.

“I’m Ventus, and he’s Vanitas. The other thing… is a _bit_ more difficult to explain.” The blonde told his mirror image, who turned to look at Vanitas.

“Why do you look like me and Sora?” Honestly, Roxas was getting freaked out, because he felt like he should know who they were, like they were almost… 

Anyways.

“That.” The still standing teen started. “Is not for young ears. Y’know, because you’re short, and acting like an idiot.” Gold eyes glared down at him and Roxas almost recoiled at the intensity.

“Vanitas.” Ventus sighed and it set Vanitas off.

“What! You want me to lie to him? Protect his delicate sensibilities? Because you fucked up, blondie number two version two. This thing,” The black haired teen gestured wildly at Roxas, and Ventus rolled his eyes. “That you’re doing, the whole ‘woe is me, I’m a teen in a first world country’ schtick is awful. You need to pull yourself together.”

Ventus grabbed either side of the younger teens face suddenly, pulling Roxas to look at the other. “Roxas. What you tried to do tonight, it would’ve not only ruined your parents, but your brothers, your friends. There are so many people that care, you’ve got to know that.”

“Alright, let’s go.” Vanitas sighed, apparently done with how the conversation was going. “You’re staying with us for the next twenty four hours, to make sure you don’t pull another stunt.”

Roxas shook himself out of Ventus’ grip, looking alarmed. “Wait, I’m not going with you guys, I have no clue who you are!”

Ventus sighed, very slowly getting to his feet. “Roxas, here are your options. You come with us and hang out at our apartment for one full day, or we go with you to your house, and basically stalk you until we think you don’t need to be on suicide watch.” He held his hand out to the blonde that was still on the ground. “So what’ll it be?”

Sighing, Roxas grabbed his hand, and was pulled to his feet with a surprisingly strong grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ventus’ and Vanitas’ apartment was… empty. Like they had either just moved in, or were about to move out. It was a bachelor's apartment, and the main room only had a king mattress on the floor and a laptop on a stepping stool. 

As soon as they stepped into the place, Vantias stalked off to the bathroom, grumbling heavily. Ventus gave Roxas a strained smile, and gestured over to the mattress. “How do you feel about Netflix? Vani is probably going to go grab some food after his shower. Have you eaten recently?”

Roxas thought for a second as he sat down on the bed. He had skipped both breakfast and dinner, and he never really ate lunch so… “Like a day and a half ago, I think? Xion forced me to eat some of her lunch.” 

“I should’ve figured. Now, do you want any ice for that eye? Any other injuries that I should know about?” He looked genuinely concerned, which struck Roxas as odd. They only looked scarily alike, right? There was no blood relation, so why did he care?

“I’m… fine.” When the other rolled his eyes, he amended his statement. “Well, I’ve had worse, so it’s not a big deal.”

Ventus looked unimpressed. “C’mon, I saw you favouring one side over the other on the way here. What hurts?”

Roxas huffed. “Fine, but that’s a long list.” He paused for a moment, actually thinking about his injuries, and his eyes widened. It was a lot more than the last time he had last thought about it. “Umm, bruised ribs, think I sprained an ankle, left forearm hurts like a bitch, Seifer hits like a truck. And in general, I’m just one big bruise.”

The blonde sitting beside him stilled at the mention of Seifer and hitting. “Who’s Seifer?”

“My boyfriend, I guess.” Two hands landed on his shoulders in that moment, and Roxas rolled his shoulders on reflex to loosen their grip.

“Roxas, you could do better, especially if he’s acting like that. What about that redhead, Axel?”

Said blonde rolled his eyes. “You’re acting like he’s any less of an asshole. And I give as good as I get, so it’s no big deal. Not like he’s the only one I get into fights with.”

Ventus let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. I’ll go grab the stuff you need, pick something to watch.”

He got up and went to the kitchen, returning a minute later with a large first aid kit, like they regularly got injured. Ventus patched up Roxas in silence, sounds of The Office filling the quiet. When the older blonde deemed the younger patched up, they settled down to watch the show.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Staying with Ventus and Vanitas was weird, for a few reasons. One, they dressed oddly. Like, a full black bodysuit weird, and what the hell was that shoulder piece? Two, they seemed to not hate each other, but they definitely had a mutual distrust for one another. Three, it was like they didn’t understand how the world worked, at least Ventus. 

Regardless, they seemed okay. Nothing really shady other than the mini kidnapping _(was it kidnapping if he went semi willingly? Questions for later.)_ had taken place, they just hung out and watched tv, then had some food.

Roxas thought that maybe he should care more about the fact that he was in a strangers apartment with no way of contacting anyone (his phone sat in his parents room) but he didn’t feel bothered. They were familiar, almost like an odd sense of family. Plus, he had more important things to think about.

He had been so close to what he wanted, and he didn’t have any real regret about what he did, other than maybe the fact that he failed. But maybe, his own indifference to life bugged him. He wanted to enjoy life, but he just didn’t have it in him, at least not right now.

When around noon hit, both of Roxas’ temporary companions decided it was time for a nap, Ventus insisting that he do the same. So they all laid down, the elder teens falling asleep quickly, Roxas staring at the ceiling, thinking. 

Had  <strike> _ Pops and Dad _ </strike> Cloud and Leon found his note yet? What did they think? Or had they even noticed he was missing? It wouldn’t have been the first time Roxas just stayed in bed all day.

The hours ticked by slowly, and both Ventus and Vanitas woke around nine at night. Vanitas disappeared again to grab dinner, and Ventus insisted on Disney for the next two movies.

It was one thirty in the morning when Vanitas violently closed the laptop. “Alright. It’s time to return blondie number two v two home.” Ventus, who had gotten more and more attached to Roxas throughout the day, pouted, and the dark haired teen glared right back. “You know that if we don’t return him soon those two will go on a witch hunt, even more so than I’m sure they’re on right now.”

The other blonde sighed and nodded, detaching himself from Roxas. “Vani’s right. C’mon, let’s get you home.”

Still silent, the younger simply nodded, following the two out and through the city he grew up in, towards the place he called home.

When on the doorstep, Vanitas held his hand out to his counterpart who deposited a small notebook and pen into it. He then scribbled out a note, and pressed it into Roxas’s hands, folded in half. “Give that to your folks. And Roxas.” Said teen looked up into gold eyes.

“Me and Ven, we don’t normally work together. But if we ever catch wind of this shit again, and I have to deal with him for an extended period again, you’re going to regret it.” Before Roxas could even respond, Vanitas banged on the door three times as loud as he could manage.

“Bye Roxas!” Ventus said, and gave him a hug before Vanitas grabbed his counterpart and ran off. 

The blonde was left to wait as footsteps approached the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I wish you’d just told us Roxas. We could’ve worked with you on this. Now… you’re grounded, no electronics and no friends over for the next two weeks. School, and then home.” Squall told Roxas, and the elder blonde held out a hand where a phone was dropped into. 

Leon gave Roxas a hug, and I did the same, adding an “We love you, kiddo.” There was no response other than a nod, as he ghosted up to his room. Cloud watched with concerned eyes as he disappeared. “Lion, I think we may have a problem.”

Cloud’s husband wrapped his arms around him, and the blonde could feel him nod. “Me too, rain Cloud.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was a tense affair, considering both Riku and Sora knew what had gone on at school that day. Finally, Sora spoke up.

“Is Roxas in trouble?” Said teen had denied dinner, claiming he wasn’t hungry.

Leon sighed. “He is, partially for the fighting, partially because of his grades.” Riku frowned at this.

“When I was having trouble in class, you didn’t ground me. Why is he any different?” 

Cloud gave him a tired look. “_You_ didn’t lie about it. He hid it from us for two weeks, and we only found out because of the principal.” The silverette seemed placated at that, and leaned back in his chair.

After the meal, both children disappeared into the living room, the sounds of a racing game starting up. The blonde started to clean up, shooing Leon away when he tried to help. “Go, I’ve got this.” One grateful smile a peck on the cheek, and Cloud was alone in the kitchen. 

“Ahh! Dad, you made me lose against Riku!” _Sora_.

“You sure it’s his fault you lost?” _Riku_.

“I just sat down, couldn’t’ve been me.” _Leon_.

But no Roxas. 

Cloud frowned, putting some extras from dinner in a bowl (Chili, the one thing Leon could cook.). Roxas would need to eat sometime, because he was certain he hadn’t eaten breakfast, and the only one that still ate lunch was Sora.

The blonde parent washed the dinner dishes with only the sounds from the living room and of dishes clicking against each other. He didn’t particularly like grounding his children, especially when they were so obviously struggling, but it was necessary. 

The blonde just didn’t understand why Roxas didn’t come to them with his problems. They always made time for their kids, and were pretty good with boundaries and freedoms. 

Cloud sighed. There was no point in thinking like that, he’d just have to ask his son when he finally emerged from his room. Finishing the dishes, but still feeling an itch under his skin to do something, he opened up the oven and grabbed a pair of rubber gloves. It needed a good scrubbing anyways.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leon could hear the noises coming from the kitchen just as clearly as his two oldest could, but he had long grown used to such actions. 

“Is that… pops cleaning the kitchen?” Sora asked in confusion, looking towards the kitchen.

The older brunette chuckled. “Probably. He does it when he’s stressed. I wouldn’t worry.”

Sora still looked concerned, but turned back to the tv where they were now watching an anime Leon had never heard of. Looked interesting, even if the protagonist was a little young.

They watched a few episodes of Fullmetal Alchemist before Leon noticed the time, eleven pm. “Alright, time for you guys to start winding down. I’m gonna go lock up, you guys can stay up late tonight, but keep it down.” They nodded, heading to their rooms, though they’d probably end up playing video games in Riku’s room later.

Blue eyes were drawn to the kitchen and Leon sighed, getting up. Propping himself in the doorway, the brunette watched his husband put away pots and pans, looking to have rearranged the entire room. Before Cloud could turn around, Leon spoke up. “Hey, rain cloud.”

The blonde cursed loudly, setting down the pot in his hand harshly. “Was that necessary?”

“Sure. C’mon, it’s time to get you to bed.” When Cloud just gave him a dark look and turned back to the kitchen, the brunette grinned. “Don’t make me do this.”

Without even looking, the blonde shot back. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Okay Strife, but you can’t say I didn’t warn you.” Coming around the kitchen table, Leon bent down to where his husband was crouched down, and scooped him up.

Cloud let out a very manly noise, clutching at Leon as the taller adjusted his grip. “You asshole.” He grumbled, swiping the bowl of food off the table as they passed it. “Grab me a goddamn spoon.”

The brunette rolled his eyes, but did as he was told, and proceeded to carry his blonde upstairs, setting down dinner beside his youngest’s door.

Depositing his husband on the bed Leon climbed in beside him, holding him close. They’d be okay, all five of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things were decidedly not okay. 

Cloud had woken up late, Leon already long gone probably making himself a coffee. Slowly he rolled out of bed, heading towards the bathroom for his morning routine. 

When he exited the washroom, he was feeling a decent bit more awake, and noticed that the bowl beside Roxas’s door still sat there, untouched. Cloud frowned, and looked at his phone, realising that it was ten in the morning, meaning it had been over twenty-four hours since Roxas had eaten.

The blonde knocked on the door in warning. “Roxas? I’m coming in.” He picked up the bowl, not even looking at the bed as he entered. “Honestly kiddo, you need to eat someti-” Cloud almost dropped the cold bowl of food.

Because Roxas wasn’t there.

This wasn’t the first time he had snuck out in the dead of night, but normally there’d be a text waiting for him and Leon when they woke up, like _‘sorry, Xion really needed me to come over, be back later’_. But, Roxas’s phone was still in his parents room, because he was grounded.

There was a note though, and_ that was basically the same thing, right?_ The blonde thought semi hysterically, approaching the paper like it might bite him. Sitting down, he set down the item in his hand before flipping the paper over and scanning it. 

He could feel his hands start to shake even as he forcibly pushed back tears. 

_ Pops, Dad _

_ I know, you won’t find this until morning, which I’m kind of hoping for. There’s a lot I have to say, or write, I guess. First and foremost, I’m sorry. Sorry for wasting your time, your money, and for wasting your love and affection. I’m sorry for being a disappointment, for ruining the one good thing I had straight, but it’s okay now, you don’t have to deal with me anymore. You’ll be able to spend more time with Sora and Riku, which is good, they deserve it at least. _

_ It’s… weird. I’m crying and my hands are shaking, but I don’t know why. I know this is the best solution for everyone, you’ll be better off, but it still hurts. I think it’s because I never wanted to hurt anyone, and that’s all I’ve been doing lately. At least you guys will have one less problem. And if you don’t see it like that now, you will in time. Thanks for being my parents, you guys are awesome. _

_ Sora, you’ll find someone who is perfect for you one day, I promise. Just keep looking, your princess is out there. Riku, prince, princess, or anything in between, it doesn’t matter. If you’re happy I support you. I love both of you, and I’m sorry for being a bad brother. _

_ Sorry for, well, _

_ Everything. _

Setting the paper down, Cloud could feel the bile rise in his throat as he mechanically forced himself to stand up and walk down the stairs, and into the kitchen, where his husband was sitting and drinking his coffee, like the entire earth hadn’t just shattered.

“Squall.” His voice sounded strained, bringing Leon’s attention to him.

“Hmm? What’s- Cloud are you okay baby?” The brunette was up in an instant, so Cloud must have looked just as horrible as he felt. Leon wrapped up his husband in a hug, and the blonde immediately started sobbing. “Cloud? C’mon you gotta tell me what’s wrong.” He sounded panicked, and Cloud forced his vocal chords to work against the large lump in his throat.

“Rox-roxas.” Was all he managed, and Leon felt his blood turn to ice.

Looking down at his husband. “What about Roxas? Is he okay?” A loud sob escaped Cloud as he pointed upstairs.

Leon slowly lead Cloud to sit down at the table, and pulled out his phone.

_ Pops isn’t having a good day today, so you’re heading over to aunt Tifa’s. _

_ I need you to take Riku and Sora for the day, possibly night. It’s an emergency. _

He didn’t bother waiting for a response, marching up the stairs the look into the open door of Roxas’s room. It was empty, and Leon noticed that the window was open, a breeze moving the curtains lightly. Looking around, nothing really seemed out of place other than the room was oddly clean. That and the paper and bowl from dinner last night sitting on the bed.

He picked up the paper, furrowed brows raising with a mix of shock and horror as he read each line. Leon’s face was almost white by the time he was finished, a deep set frown on his mouth, almost like he was angry. His eyes screamed worry though, and he folded up the note and tucked it in his pocket.

Thundering down the stairs, he knocked on Sora’s door, getting a slight groan. The brunette quickly went down to the basement, seeing Riku sitting on his bed with his bag packed. “Is she picking us up?” The silverette asked, and he nodded.

“Make sure Sora is ready in fifteen.” A ding sounded, and Leon looked at his phone. 

_ You got it. I’ll be there in twenty. _

Turning around, he went to the kitchen to collect his husband, who was staring at the counter. The blonde’s eyes were almost dead, concerning the brunette heavily. “Cloud? Babe?” he was no longer crying, but tear tracks remained on his face.

Slowly, he looked at Leon. “Yeah?” He croaked, looking like he was one inch from destruction. Leon pushed down the pain that threatened to tear apart his chest and came to give Cloud a hug. 

“We need to go looking, and stop off at the police center. That, and we need to see if Vincent or Tseng are willing to help.” When the blonde just sat there, Leon felt a flare of anger, making Cloud look him in the eyes. “Strife, if we haven’t heard anything yet, then there’s a chance he’s still out there. I need you to pull yourself together, for our son. You can fall apart later.”

Blue eyes sharpened and the shorter pushed his husband away. “_Fuck you_, Squall. You don’t even look like you’re affected, who the hell are you to talk about that? I’m going to talk to Vincent, and I’ll look around the city on my bike. You can talk to the police, the trucks all yours.”

Standing, he went to get dressed as fast as he could manage, leaving a shocked Leon standing in the kitchen. Sora came in and looked at his dad. “You okay?” He asked, and the elder brunette shook off his shock.

“I’ll be okay. Don’t forget to lock the door when you leave.” He stalked to the front door, slamming the door so hard it shook the entryway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours ticked by slowly for Cloud as he scoured every single street in the city, looking for any sign of his missing son. He refused to believe that he was dead, not yet. There would not be another person he had failed, not again. And not_ him_.

As stars began filling the sky, he pulled into a gas station for the third time that day. As he stood at the pump, he felt his phone go off. “Strife.” He answered tersely.

“Storm Cloud, you need to come home, it’s almost midnight.” His husband's voice crackled over the speaker, and Cloud scowled. 

“Do you really think I can go home when my son is _missing_?” He bit back, and the blonde could hear the way Leon pinched his nose.

“Cloud.” It came out strangled, and it pulled at the bikers heartstrings. “Roxas is my son too. This isn’t going to help, especially if you burn yourself out. Please, come home.”

Closing his eyes, the blonde took a deep breath to let go of some of the anger. “Alright Lion. I’ll be home in thirty minutes.” He hesitated before he spoke again, almost too quiet to be heard. “I love you.” 

“I love you too. We’ll get through this. I promise.” Cloud didn’t respond, hanging up the phone. He paid for his gas and mounted his bike again, only one thing running through his head.

_ Don’t make promises you can’t keep. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The silence was suffocating.

Leon could feel it constricting his chest, like someone had just grabbed his heart and squeezed. The police had told him that he should wait on the off chance he returned. Tseng told him he’d keep an eye out with a sollem voice. Not like that was much of a change.

So the brunette did absolutely everything he could to keep him busy, knowing he wouldn’t be able to drive in the state he was in. Grading papers, working out, complaining to the air about various tv shows.

At around eleven forty five, Leon finally caved and called his husband even if he dreaded what awaited him. 

After he hung up, he put his face in his hands, finally letting himself process the events of this morning. Tears built up in his eyes as he realized that he had failed his child. His baby boy, was possibly dead somewhere, by his own hand.

The tears fell readily, and when he heard the door open, he didn’t even bother looking up. A pained sigh was heard before there were strong arms wrapping him up, making him sit up straight on the couch.

Cloud pulled Leon against his chest, running his free hand through his hair. He didn’t say anything, because there was no way to fix this. The brunette was crying softly now, making no sound as he did so. Cloud began to hum something that he used to use for their kids.

Soon, Leon dropped off into sleep, curled up in the smaller’s lap. Cloud could no longer move, but he didn’t feel inclined to anyways. Leaning back, he closed his eyes for just a second,_ just a second… _

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cloud’s eyes shot open when he heard the pounding on the front door, and sat up instantly on instinct. Leon was a few moments behind, slower to rise at the sudden noise.

Almost without thinking he stood up, forcing Leon to his feet lest he fall over. Long strides brought them to the door, which Cloud hesitated at. This was either the police, bringing bad news, or… Roxas.

He didn’t know what he’d do if it was the first.

Leon seemed to catch on to his hesitance, and reached out to open the door… 

To see their son standing there, with his arms wrapped around himself like it was cold outside. Cloud immediately swept him into his arm, holding him almost like one would an infant. His other father was there in an instant as well, holding them both close.

It was a long moment before any of them spoke, the elder blonde breaking the silence. “I thought we’d lost you sweetheart.” The response made Cloud tear up.

“Yeah, me too.”

They stayed like that for awhile, before Leon finally cleared his throat. “I think we should move this inside.” He commented, and his husband nodded, easily bringing the smaller blonde over to the couch.

Just as Leon was going to close the front door, he noticed a piece of paper laying on the ground that wasn’t there before. Frowning he bent down to pick it up, before closing and locking the door this time. Unfolding it as he sat down beside his blondes, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

_ Keep a closer eye on your fucking kid. V&V _

_ P.s Sorry about V, he’s kinda cranky. I hope Roxas feels better! _

“Roxas, do you know who… V and V are?” Leon asked, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

Said blonde shrugged, looking away. “They were the ones who… stopped me.” He told his parents quietly, hearing the intake of breath from Cloud. “But I don’t know them personally.”

His father brushed his hand through his hair, though Roxas could tell it was shaking heavily. “Baby, why would you-” His voice broke, like he wasn’t able to say it, like it’d become real.

It was quiet for a minute, two of them waiting as Roxas gathered his thoughts.

“I… don’t know how to explain it. Nothing seems… worth it anymore. I’m a terrible friend, Axel hates me, I’m just a lot more effort than I’m worth.” Leon came to sit beside the two blondes now, placing his hands on Roxas’ face so that he’d look at them.

“Why would you ever think that you aren’t worth it?”

The teen seemed shell-shocked. “I-I’m a troublemaker who’s always getting into fights, I am an idiot, I’m just a bad person-”

“You are not a bad person, Roxas. You’re amazing, intelligent, and you have a sense of honour that so few do nowadays.” Cloud’s words made Roxas’s eyes water, even as he shook his head. He… he wasn’t good, was he?

“And you are our son, we will always love you. You needing help, or attention, doesn’t bother us. We want to be there for you. Because you’re worth just as much as anybody else. You aren’t less, Roxas.” Leon added, and the smaller blonde tried to hold his tears at bay. Then his father pulled him into a hug with Cloud and the dam broke, and he was crying loudly in their arms.

The older blonde started rocking them back and forth, mumbling comforting words into his sons hair, tears slipping from his own eyes.

Leon just held on tightly to both of them, thanking whatever was out there that his child was returned to him safely.

After some time the tears died down, and Roxas yawned. Cloud snorted lightly. “Alright, I think it’s time for bed. Everything else can be dealt with in the morning.” Leon nodded, and Roxas blushed as he was once again picked up, and carried to his parents room.

It only took a moment to get all three settled, Roxas laying between the two adults. Just before he dropped off into sleep, Leon mumbled out “We love you, kid.”

And Roxas fell into the most peaceful sleep he’d had in a month.


	3. Roxas talks about problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> talking, lots of talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the thunder zone of plot, bc my mind won’t let this be

**1**

Roxas sat at the kitchen counter, staring at the time on the microwave. Eleven thirty. Riku and Sora were being dropped off in half an hour, and the blonde didn’t know what to say to them.

Because to them, nothing had really happened. Yeah, they knew _something _had happened, but they were told that Cloud was having a bad day, which while very uncommon, wasn’t unheard of. But Roxas’ whole world had shifted. He had changed, in the last forty-eight hours.

And Roxas had to somehow explain all of this to them.

Leon stuck his head in and saw his son looking lost, an expression that seemed to be all too familiar lately. Sighing, he came to sit beside his youngest. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m going to have to tell them.” Was the only response, and Leon wrapped an arm around his child.

“If you want, we can tell them for you. Or stay with you while you tell them.” The brunette offered.

Roxas shook his head. “I need to do this. Can’t hide forever, right?” Was the shaky reponse, Leon squeezing the blonde closer.

“It’s not weakness to ask for help.” Leon said, moving to stand. “But if that’s what you want, we’ll wait in the living room when they get here, alright?”

“Yeah. Thanks dad.” Leon had never seen Roxas look so small, like he was years younger. It made him think of the little boy he used to be, a mix of quiet and spitfire that was always so bright.

There was a knock at the door then, and the vision dissipated as Roxas shot upright. “Showtime.” He whispered, and Leon chuckled. 

“You got this.” The brunette ruffled his son’s hair, and left before he could do anything more than grumble. Leon saw his other two sons in the living room, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to hold them close. 

Cloud had already had this thought, as they were currently being held very closely by his husband. Leon joined them, holding them as tightly as he could manage, making sure his eyes were closed to hold off the tears that threatened him.

Too soon, his sons pulled away, and Leon had to fight the urge to pull them back. To never let them out of his sight, his grasp, a tiny bubble where he could make sure they were safe. But life continued regardless of a parent’s wants, and so when they pulled away, he did as well.

Leon knew his voice would sound scratchy and rough if he spoke, prompting more questions. He looked to Cloud, nodding to the kitchen, and he thanked the heavens that years of marriage had never really changed their silent communication.

“Boys.” The blonde started, and both teens (and he could remember them as children, god he feels old) turned towards Cloud due to the seriousness of his voice. “You should go see your brother in the kitchen. We need to talk with aunt Tifa.”

Sora was the first to move, nodding. “Sure thing pops. C’mon Riku.” 

Roxas could hear the voices from the living room, hear the feet as they impacted with the floor, coming closer with each and every moment. And yet he was somehow still surprised when the door opened up, Sora bounding in while Riku followed calmly.

Well, calm if you didn’t know Riku. Roxas could see the tightness in his expression, the concern that lined his brow as he finally took in his youngest brother’s face. “You alright? You look like shit.” 

“Riku! Hi Roxas.” Sora admonished the silverette before turning to Roxas. “Why weren’t you at Tifa’s? Pops said we should come talk to you. Have something to tell us?” 

The blonde held up a hand. “Slow down, Sora.” He turned his gaze to Riku. “The bruises are a few days old, don’t worry. I wasn’t at Tifa’s because… of the thing I need to tell you.”

“Were you the reason Cloud was having a bad day?” Teal eyes bore into blue, hardening when Roxas winced. “What did you do?” His voice was colder than a winter’s day, and the blonde knew he deserved it. _(that and so much more, he deserves to be _despised _) _

“I uh… snuck out. To the clocktower.” There. That would be obvious, right? Roxas was sure he wouldn’t have to say it out loud. _ (he wouldn’t be able to pretend that it never happened if he had to say it) _

But he could tell by their confused expressions that he needed to go further. Sora had tilted his head. “But you sneak out all the time.”

The blonde’s eyes had dropped, staring at the microwave clock, hoping it’d grant him strength. “I had snuck out to-” The words stuck in his throat. “To…” He couldn’t look at his brothers, he could barely speak already. “To go kill myself.” He finally finished, his voice already hoarse from emotions.

He thought maybe they hadn’t heard him when nothing was said, and so he gathered his courage to peer up at them. They had definitely heard him going by the stricken look on Sora’s face and stormy one on Riku’s.

Nobody moved for several moments as the tension grew thick in the room. Roxas could hear the refrigerator buzz it was so silent. He was just about to speak- to say absolutely _anything, _when-

A body impacted him, leaving him breathless. Sora had forgone the long route deciding that throwing himself across the (thankfully empty) kitchen table was more effective.

Looking down, Roxas could see his twin’s head buried in his chest, tears leaking out of his eyes as arms wrapped around the blondes torso. Hesitantly, he patted Sora’s head. “Hey, don’t cry, I’m o-”

“If you say that you’re ‘okay’ I’m going to smack you.” Riku interrupted. Glancing at his older brother, he saw the fire burning in his eyes that only ever appeared when he was truly angry, and froze in place.

Roxas has never been afraid of Riku. He loves his brother, just as much as Sora or Cloud. But he also knows what happens when you push the silver haired male too hard. So when he took a step forward, looking like a predator stalking his prey, he barely restrained himself from moving backwards.

“You are the largest idiot I have ever met, doing something like that.” Sora was still crying on his chest, he was _trapped _and suddenly he didn’t want to be here, having this conversation. “Did you think that everything would just magically solve itself if you were gone? Nobody would care? Cloud and Leon would be broken. Sora wouldn’t be able to function, I-” He cut himself off.

The fire had gone out, doused with the weight of reality. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

Roxas hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Riku scoffed. “Don’t lie to me.”

Years later, Roxas wouldn’t be able to tell you why he did what he did in that moment, time blurring the memory. Maybe he wanted to see the fire back in his brother’s eyes, or to fight off the numbness that crawled through his veins like a drug. Maybe so they didn’t have to _talk _anymore _(he was so _tired _of talking, it never solved his problems). _

The blonde, gently as he could manage, detached Sora from him before standing quickly. Facing the oldest of them, Roxas glared_.(hurthurthurt makehimhurtlikeyou)_ Rage bubbled up inside of him and the blonde welcomed it with open arms. “What do you want me to say! That I wish I had managed it?! That the only reason I’m not a splatter on the pavement is because of the weirdest duo I have ever met!?” He wanted to tear himself to pieces, to cut himself on the ragged edges that Riku had so conveniently provided.

Without realizing, both boys had come closer to each other, standing only inches apart. Roxas glared up at his brother, his chest heaving with the effort it took to not pucnh him in his stupid, pain filled… _caring _face.

Riku could obviously see it too. “If you think this’ll help, **_do it_ **. Hit me. _See what happens _.” The last three words were growled so lowly it sounded like something not of this world, and it made Roxas stop for a moment.

Just long enough for the blonde to be horrified.

He backed away shakily, dropping to the tile floor as he realized what had almost happened. “I-I’m sorry.” he whispered. _(he knew he’d screw it up, god, he shouldn’t even be here, he shouldn’t be-) _

Gentle hands landed on his shoulders, and Roxas looked up to see his twin, drawing him into his chest, a mirror of only minutes ago. Sora pet his hair soothingly, and Roxas could feel tears drip down onto his hair. “Oh Roxas, why didn’t you talk to any of us?”

A weak shrug answered. “You guys had other stuff to worry about. You didn’t need to have my problems added on top of that.”

“Idiot.” Riku said, a lot closer than he had been seconds ago. “You’re our brother. It’s not a problem to help with yours, no extra burden.” He was crouched in front of the twins, and he had the lost look on his face again. “You’ve helped us so many times with our problems, why can’t we help with yours?”

Roxas had to blink back a new onslaught of tears then, eyes even more glassy now. So he more heard than saw Riku sit down on the kitchen floor, before drawing both of his younger siblings close enough to hold. There was a moment of awkward shifting, and someone ended up elbowing Sora before the youngest found himself sandwiched between both his siblings.

And they stayed like that for quite a while, Riku humming a tune that Cloud used to favour. A soft french lullaby soothed Roxas, (and Sora) lulling them both to sleep in half an hour.

When Cloud, Leon, and Tifa poked their heads into the kitchen, it was to see all three teens asleep on the floor. A picture or five later, each adult picked up a child, moving them to the couch.

They stayed asleep until dinner.

**2.**

He insisted that he went back to school on Monday.

Both Cloud and Leon told him that it could wait, but Roxas was adamant. “Hey, it’s not like anything’s going to happen to me there, right?” 

So Monday morning, the three Strifehart children were dropped off at school. The youngest noticed that Riku lingered behind as his brothers ventured inside. “Sora and I will keep an eye on him Pops.” He promised the elder blonde, before rushing after his siblings.

Thankfully, Roxas wasn’t yet ready to face his friends, so Roxas was quite willing to help make it easier.

Until the end of the school day, when Seifer showed up, grabbing Roxas’ forearm roughly. The blonde winced internally, not in pain but in preparation for what could happen. Both of his siblings looked ready to murder Seifer, and Roxas wondered why. 

“Mind if I steal blondie here for a minute?” Roxas could see that Riku was just about to tell him to fuck off when Sora stepped up, seperating the two teens.

“You’re blonde too, jerk. And no, you can’t steal him.” Sora told the senior.

A blonde eyebrow raised. “I just wanted to know why he bailed on our date Saturday. Chill.” He turned to his boyfriend. Riku and Sora were too shocked to even say anything as Seifer wrapped an arm around Roxas’ shoulders. “So, why were you gone, babe? You didn’t even answer my calls.” 

Roxas could hear the undertone in his boyfriend's voice. _You better have an answer I like. _He turned to his brothers for a minute. “Can I talk to him in private for a minute?”

“No way!” “Not a chance in hell.” Came two instant replies, and Roxas immediately knew that they knew. About his and Seifer’s infamous fights that _never _happened in places where others could see. But Seifer liked to brag, and like any other high school, word traveled fast.

“You can come get me if I take too long.” He promised, and he could see that they were thinking about it. He took a deep breath. “Look, you know Dad will be another twenty minutes anyways. I’ll be so quick you won’t even notice I’m gone.” _(they’d never notice) _

Riku looked liked he was going to refuse, when he sighed. “Fine, but I will come find you if I think it’s taking too long.” Seifer was dragging him away after Riku had said fine, back inside to a set of rarely used doors, that had no one in sight.

“So,” Seifer started as soon as they stopped. “Why did you blow me off? Thought we were going to have some fun.” He wrinkled his nose in thought, then added. “And why were your brothers hanging around you so much?”

Roxas internally swore. “I was grounded Friday after the fight with Xemnas, no phone. No going outside.” He said in a monotone, feeling the numbness that was so familiar now climb over him when he saw how angry the blonde was getting.

“I’ve known you to sneak out before, what makes this different?” He sneered, and Roxas idly wondered if Seifer was worth the distraction he provided. It was useful when he needed to not think, but after Saturday… he wanted to enjoy life, didn’t he? _(and yet you just threw it away, do you really deserve joy?) _

He was pulled out of his thoughts when his head snapped to the side, the older teen apparently tired of waiting. “Hurry up and answer before your annoying brothers come back. I don’t know how you live with them.”

A flash of annoyance poked through his shroud of numbness. “Alright.” He whispered, and Seifer tilted his head. “I couldn’t come because I was taking a swan dive off the clock tower. And the reason my brothers are hovering is because they’re worried!” His voice had been rising slowly, to the point where was almost yelling the last part.

The older teen looked shocked for a moment, before rolling his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

Roxas froze in place. “What?” He had thought about how he’d react, but somehow this wasn’t on the list. Out of everything on this planet, somehow Roxas thought this would be the _one _thing he didn’t laugh at. But he was stupid to think that. Seifer laughed at everything, like the entire world was an inside joke only he understood.

“Your lot in life isn’t that bad. I mean, you are blessed with me, are you not?” He shrugged. “After all, you could be dating _Axel _.” The way his name was said, like it was a disease, made something in Roxas break.

God, Roxas was so unbelivebly stupid. “You know what? I’m glad I didn’t go see you. You’re such an asshole, you can’t even look past yourself for one goddamned second!” Idiot, moron. How could he have let even a sliver of feelings develop for someone like him? Holding his tears at bay, he glared at the taller male.

Seifer seemed to have realised his misstep, a fake concerned look on his face. _(look, he cares, he wants you, even if you’re _broken _) _“Babe.” He crooned, and for one, weak moment, he wanted to listen to what he had to say, to be fooled back into their destructive rhythm. _(it’d be easy, so heartbreakingly easy) _

But then he remembered his parents and their tears, his brothers and their worry. Ventus and Vanitas’ odd mother henning, and he blew out a large sigh. One of freedom, new beginnings.

Even if it was a small one.

“If you ever come near me again, I’ll beat the absolute hell out of you.” He threatened lowly, and soaked in the look of surprise on the teen.

With that, he whirled around, leaving a stunned senior in his wake as he left, almost running outside. He could see his brothers and Leon standing by the truck, all of them having stormy looks on their faces.

Leon was the first one to catch sight of him as he approached the vehicle, and his expression went from angry to concern instantly, probably due to how blurry Roxas’ sight was. “Hey dad.”

His brothers looked up at the same time. “Roxas!” They both exclaimed, and Riku immediately pulled him closer, scanning his face and frowning. “Are you alright? What happened?” He asked, and suddenly all Roxas wanted to do was sleep.

“Can we just go home? I don’t want to talk about it.” He mumbled, and was quickly lead to the backseat, feeling the numbness creep up his fingers as he did up the seatbelt.

He saw the three of them shoot him concerned looks the entire ride home, but he didn’t really care. All that he wanted was to pretend that what just happened, didn’t happen. And he got his wish for a while, nobody mentioned it when they got home, even if both his brothers were hovering even more than before. He wanted to get angry at how they were treating him like glass, but he couldn’t.

It was fine, if a bit strained. Until dinner.

Very little had been spoken as they seated themselves at the table, and it was only once food had begun being dished out that Cloud spoke. “So, did anything interesting happen at school?” He asked, carefully nonchalant.

Roxas didn’t miss his brother’s eyes on him as he shook his head. “Not really, other than a few teachers that I talked to about make up work.” _(lies, thought you wouldn’t lie anymore, or was that a lie too?) _

Riku looked like he was about to say something, and Roxas quickly gave him a glare. But he didn’t see Sora open his mouth.

_“WefoundoutthatRoxasisdatingSeifer!” _Roxas whipped his head around to glare at his twin, when Leon cleared his throat.

“Is that why you were upset?” He asked.

Roxas’ shoulders hunched, and he thought back to earlier in the afternoon. “Yeah. Don’t worry, we’re not a thing anymore.”

“Good.” Riku stated, tucking into his dinner. “He’s a tool and you deserve better.” 

Both parents could tell there was more to the story, but let it go for the moment. Everyone was just enjoying being together. 

And as dinner continued considerably less tense, the numbness receded from Roxas’ fingertips.

**3.**

Sora needed to be at school early the next day for a club (Roxas couldn’t remember which one, he was in so many) so both Riku and Roxas were there an hour early, sitting on the roof of the building.

The blonde could tell something was up when Riku stood, stretching in exaggerated movements. “Well,” He fake-yawned. “I’m going to go… work on an assignment. You should stay here.”

Before Roxas could say anything, the silverette had already disappeared into the building. Rolling his eyes, the blonde went to stand by the railing, looking over the side casually. _(rushing wind that felt like _freedom, _beautiful and terrifying, just seconds away from-) _

A hand tapped his shoulder, and he turned, startled.

“You’re more jumpy than usual.” Xion commented, Roxas letting out a sigh of relief. “So your brothers told me that you needed to talk to me.”

“Traitors.” He muttered under his breath.

She smiled her quiet, serene smile that always calmed him down. “Oh come on, like they’d ever do anything to hurt you.”

“I guess.” He agreed, grimacing. He really didn’t want to have a third talk about this in as many days. “They wanted me to tell you about last weekend.”

Xion didn’t say anything, only tilting her head in question, letting Roxas sort out his thoughts. She was always so thoughtful like that, already seeing how uncomfortable he was.

“You know how the other week I told you that I was fine, no more issues?” He asked, wincing internally as she nodded. “Well, I kinda… sorta, lied?” 

Her eyebrows scrunched in worry. “What happened?”

“Friday I snuck out of my house to go to the clock tower and I…” Why did he always stumble on this part? Why couldn’t he just say it? _(you’re weak!) _

It turned out that he didn’t need to, Xion pulling him into a hug. “Did you try to…” She nodded at the railing in front of them, and he nodded.

The blackette sucked in a sharp breath, shakily exhaling. “I’m sorry for lying to you.”

“You know, saying you’re sorry means you won’t do it again.” She whispered, and squeezed the blonde even tighter. “So you_ better _mean that Strifehart. Because if you ever feel like, _that, _again, come talk to me. Please.”

He just nodded against her hair, feeling the warmth of her easy acceptance curl around him. She was worried, yes, but she didn’t ask any questions he didn’t want to answer. And after the past couple days, that was the best gift he could’ve gotten.

Eventually they sat, still holding onto each other as tightly as they could manage. The bell rang soon enough, and they reluctantly.

Xion frowned as they started to go inside. “Are you and Axel still fighting?” His face must’ve given something away, because she nodded to herself. “I figured. Roxas, I think you two should talk.”

“I’m pretty sure that he’s avoiding me just as much as I’m avoiding him. Our last conversation didn’t exactly go great.” Roxas muttered, feeling the warmth from earlier dissipate as he thought about their missing third. The blonde was trying to ignore it, but there was an Axel shaped hole, and he felt the pain acutely whenever his name was brought up._ (he hates you, everyone does) _

“I think he’s just scared.” Xion commented, and Roxas raised his eyebrow.

“Scared? Axel?”

She let out a large sigh, and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘boys’. “Yes, scared. Because when you started going out with other people, suddenly you weren’t at his beck and call. You had other people, and I think he didn’t know how to deal with the sudden gap.” When Roxas went to protest, she laid her hand on his to stop him. “I’m not saying it’s your fault. Axel could’ve definitely handled it better. Going out with shallow girls, and canceling on you shouldn’t have happened, but it did.”

“Why didn’t he say anything?” Roxas asked, looking confused. 

“Pot, meet kettle. Anyways, that’s because he wanted for you to enjoy dating, not being held back because he couldn’t get a handle on his feelings.” She shrugged, before disappearing into her homeroom.

The blonde just stood there for a second. “Feelings? What did she mean by that…” He looked around, but he couldn’t find her. “I’ll ask her later.”

**4.**

Roxas hid a yawn in his fist as he sat in math class. He was trying to pay attention, really, but Ms White’s voice was so soothing…

“Roxas?” A masculine, if squeaky voice calling his name had him shooting upright in his chair, whipping his head around to see one of the school’s counselors, Mr Mouse (Which c’mon, _Mouse? _This school was really weird.) looking down at the blonde.

He tried to wipe the drool off the side of his face as subtle as the teen could manage. “Yes?” He asked, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

The grin Roxas got in response was filled with far too much cheer for nine twenty-three in the morning, but he supposed not everyone could hate mornings as much as he did. “Would you come with me?” Mr Mouse asked, and the blonde shrugged before nodding.

The two slipped out without notice, Ms White’s chattering carrying on without pause. In the hallway, Roxas took the time as he was lead down the hall to study the man in front of him. He looked to be in his late thirties, maybe a tad older, black hair kept short and combed into an older style. 

He had the same cheerful air Roxas’ grandpa Laguna did, and walked confidently. The blonde thought it was a good thing he didn’t look mousy, or else very few kids would take him seriously. “So Roxas, how have you been lately? I’ve heard that you’ve been getting into some trouble.” Mr Mouse didn’t sound accusing, or overly concerned, just curious, and it eased something in Roxas that wanted to lash out. 

Because councilors have never done him any good, but there was something about this one that was… interesting. He shrugged. “I guess, but Xemnas had it coming.” The words don’t sound half as mean as he wants them to be.

A light laugh filled the air as they came to stop in front of a door that the dark haired man pushed open. “Yes, I heard about Olette. I don’t think Xemnas will be back in school for a few weeks.” Against his will, Roxas breathes a sigh of relief as they step into the cozy office.

“That’s good. But if you knew about all that, why are you asking?” The room was decorated like most offices, not that Roxas had been in that many. Beige walls, a gray carpet, a desk that was neatly organized, and bookshelves that looked like they had never been organized in their life.

Knicknacks lined the shelves beside the books, and Roxas’ eye caught on one in particular.

A key.

At first glance, it was just a slightly larger than normal key, but when the blonde looked again, he saw that it looked odd, like there was a… handle? And the blade was shaped like a crown.

_(He was fighting, and it was so much more different than what he was used to, because he was sure that _thing _wasn’t human. It was hard, so much harder than anything else in his life. He glanced down at his bat that he was so used to weilding only to see-) _

“Roxas!” He shook the (memory? flashback?) images away and concerned black eyes met his own. “Are you okay? You zoned out there.”

“Umm..” He nodded awkwardly. “Yeah, I’m good. Sorry, what were you saying?” He could feel the phantom stare of Cloud for his lack of manners.

He just got an understanding gaze, the taller man taking a step back. “It’s all right. I was just saying that your brother Riku told me that you might want to talk to me. Any reason he’d think that?”

“Uh, yeah, I think I have an idea.” Roxas mumbled, retreating inward. (they’ll look at you differently, forever that kid who tried to-) He violently shut down the line of thought, going to sit in one of the plush chairs. “Last weekend, I tried to commit suicide.” The last two words were spoken in a whisper.

A hand landed on his shoulder, and Roxas looked up to see a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry you felt like that was the only option, Roxas.” He came around to sit in the other chair. “And I’d like to help you not feel that way anymore. Was there ever anything specific that you think made the biggest impact?”

The teen shrugged, before he even really thought about it. “I just, have this voice. It just tells me everything that I don’t want to think about, that I don’t want to believe or about people around me.” 

Cobalt eyes were calm and compassionate, and before Roxas could stop himself, everything came pouring out. About the month from hell, his relationships with his friends and family. Anything that came to mind.

Roxas was never mocked or belittled, simply granted someone who would listen to all of his issues. It was like removing a weight from his chest, something he didn’t know he needed.

For the first time since he left the company of Ventus and Vanitas, he felt like he could recover from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m just going to post everything here, bc I don’t need a new series to haunt me. Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review and have a wonderful day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel finally steps up to bat, putting an end to this part of our story.

**+1**

On Roxas’ list of exhausting weeks, the blonde would rank this one as _king_ pain in the ass, and he could honestly say that he was looking forward to the final bell like it was a lifeline. _(but then when was the last time you had a _good_ week?)_

So when a very familiar redhead caught him as he left last period, he wasn’t angry, or sad. Roxas was just tired. “What do you want Axel? You’re in the way of my nap.”

Axel twitched at the dismissal, but instead of puffing up to defend himself his shoulders hunched in. He looked… defeated, maybe. A little out of his depth, perhaps. _(you just mess everyone up, don’t you) (**stop it!**) _“Sorry, but I wanted to catch you before you left for the weekend, and…” He trailed off, and Roxas remembered his conversation with Xion on Tuesday.

_“I think he’s just scared.” Xion mentioned._ That’s it. He looked scared.

“And what?” The blonde asked, concern overriding any current disagreement as he took a step closer. “What’s wrong?”

In between one moment and the next, he was encased in strong arms, red hair tickling at his nose. “Roxas,” Axel’s voice came out choked. “I almost lost you, and the last goddamn thing we had said to each other was insults.”

“Axel...” Roxas had no clue how to react, other than to cling to his best friend that he missed with all he had. It was like the void was filling, a piece slotting back into place. “I…”

“No, I need you to listen.” Teal eyes bore into blue ones, foreheads resting against each other. “You, Xion. You guys are everything to me. If you had succeeded, I don’t know what I’d do.” _(move on) _Tears streamed down pale cheeks, and Roxas was shocked.

Only once before had Roxas seen tears from Axel, a year and a half ago.

_Something was ringing, and it was annoying. And _loud_. Groaning, Roxas rolled over and grabbed his phone, glaring at the bright display. The teen saw Axel calling, which was confusing. He had seen the redhead only a few hours ago, so what was going on?_

_“Hullo?” He slurred voice heavy with sleep._

_“Roxas? Can you meet me at the clocktower?” The blonde squinted at the tone in his friend's voice. Something was off._

_He glanced at the clock. “It’s three in the morning, what’s wrong?”_

_“Just, please? You can be back before Cloud and Leon wake up if you want.” Now Roxas was awake, concern sharpening his focus. Because Axel sounded _desperate_._

_The blonde barely spared a thought to the consequences before responding. “Sure. I’ll be there in fifteen.” He could grab his bike as he hadn’t put it away that night, and it was paying off._

_He was throwing on some actual pants when he heard a slight chuckle from the phone, much quieter than anything he was used to. “Alright shorty, see you soon.” A click sounded, and Roxas sped up even more while keeping silent._

_Slipping out of his window was easy having done it a million times, forever thankful of the sturdy tree just outside. As he retrieved his bike, he texted Cloud a warning._

_‘Should be back before we leave for school, had an issue to deal with.’_

_Sure, he’d probably still be grounded, but at least they knew he was out and not kidnapped. Biking to the clock tower was instinct, having hung out there as long as he’d been allowed out with friends on his own. Being three in the morning most streets were silent, so Roxas didn’t feel bad for not paying attention to road signs, going as fast as he could manage. _

_Because something was _wrong_. He could feel it. _

_Pulling up to the clock tower, he dropped his bike by the entrance, uncaring if it would still be there later. Slipping behind the back to the secret entrance, he picked through the bushes and opened the hidden door. Climbing in, he quickly made it to the top. _

_As soon as he exited into open air, Roxas spotted Axel sitting on the edge of the clocktower. He called out to him, but there was no response. Drawing closer, he sat down beside the redhead and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Axel?” Roxas whispered, and Axel startled._

_“Oh! Hey Roxas.” The elder teen mumbled, eyes glossed over and distant. They were also red and puffy, like he had been… crying._

_But Axel _never _cried, so that couldn’t be right._

_“What happened? Are you alright?” He knew he was asking a stupid question, but there wasn’t anything else he could think to say. Roxas didn’t even know what was wrong._

_A sniffle was heard, and the blonde saw Axel’s eyes well up with fresh tears. “Car crash. Dad-” A choked sound and then- “He was shipped to the hospital in critical condition. And now he’s. Dead.” _

_Roxas sat in shock as Axel dissolved into a whole new round of crying. Axel. Who no matter how badly he was injured, or how bad he did on a test, was always smiling. Well, anger aside. And he was sobbing._

_Blinking, the blonde came to his senses, collecting the taller as best as he could, tucking Axel’s tear stained face into his shirt. “I’m sorry Axel. I know how close you two were.”_

_Because they were. Reno Sinclair wasn’t someone that Roxas had spent a lot of time around, but Axel had spoken so much about him that the teen had gotten to know him by proxy. Enough to feel an echo of the grief coursing through his friends’ heart, and held him closer._

_“Just-” His voice was muffled by Roxas’ shirt, but he could still pick up how shaky it was. “Everybody says that it’ll hurt less in time, but I don’t _want _that. Because that means I’ll forget him. And I don’t want to.” He mumbles, and all Roxas could think to do was rub his back in what the blonde hoped was soothing motions._

_“He was my dad. What am I supposed to do without him?” Vibrant teal eyes were clouded over and dulled with pain and grief as he stared out over the city below them._

_Roxas was desperately searching for a way to comfort his best friend, before realizing that all he probably wanted was someone to tell him what he already knew. “I don’t know about forgetting him Axel, he seemed like the type who leaves an impression. Plus, your dad didn’t just _leave _you. He’ll be here; looking out for you as you get into various shenanigans that your mom will shake her head at that and he’d love. And whenever you play a prank, or watch a show you two shared, you’ll think of him and he won’t be forgotten. You don’t truly die until the last person stops thinking about you. So as long as you have times where you reflect on him and your time together, he won’t die, he’ll be with you in your heart.” _

_The crying didn’t cease when Roxas finished his little speech, in fact it only seemed to pick up, but the blonde simply continued to stroke the mane of hair in his lap until the cries petered off into restless snores of sleep. Roxas stayed vigilant the entire time, scooching them away from the edge of the building and towards the safety of the wall. As the sun rose, he gently awoke his friend, and they made their way to their respective homes. Roxas may have gotten grounded for missing school, but he gladly took it without any complaint._

And suddenly Roxas was snapped out of his memory by Axel continuing to speak. “Roxas… you’re everything to me. I love Xion, but she’s like a little sister, and you’re just so much more.”

“What do you mean?” It couldn’t be what he thought it was, he was very obviously not interested in Roxas, _he _had made that clear.

He very clearly gulped at being put on the spot, before swallowing the lump in his throat, and the blonde could see the determination in the taller ones eyes. “Roxas, you are… ever since I first met you, you’ve been a star. You burned so brightly, and I was a small flame in comparison, inconsequential. All I wanted was for you to have my name memorized, and then when that happened, I wanted more, to be your friend, then best friend. And now…”

“Now?” Roxas asked, breathless.

“Now, all I want is for you to be happy. And maybe I want you to be happier because of me, because maybe I want us to be… together.” The last word was so quiet that Roxas almost thought he had imagined it. He was almost certain of it though, and he took a deep breath before grabbing the sides of Axel’s face.

“Axel.” Roxas stated, feeling like he could throw up with nerves. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted… well, you.” The blonde had barely the time to think of if he had misheard Axel.

Because there was a pair of lips on his.

Wait.

_Lips. _

Axel was kissing him!

The younger of the two hurried to respond, running his hands through the soft red tresses in front of him as he tried to convey his sentiment. It seemed like it was an eternity, and a far to short moment before Axel pulled away lightly, so their foreheads rested together once more.

“So,” The redhead started, breathless in a way he had never been before. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Had Roxas been a stronger person, he wouldn’t have laughed at the nervous look on his boyfriend’s face. As it was, the blonde doubled over, laughing so hard his ribs hurt in both relief and happiness. While he giggled profusely, Axel’s face went from nervous to confused, to slightly insulted. Before the taller teen could open his mouth, Roxas held up his hand.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was rejecting you. Yes, of course I’ll be your boyfriend. Though,” A grin came over Roxas’ face that made Axel happy that it was back, but concerned that it was directed at him. It always meant trouble. “You have to tell my dads.”

Axel groaned while Roxas continued to giggle at him. “They’re going to kill me. That’s it. No more Axel.”

The blonde rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you’re overreacting. They like you so it’s not like they’ll murder you on sight. Now if I had introduced Seifer…” He trailed off, and Axel frowned.

“I don’t know why you liked him.” The redhead grumbled, and cursed internally as the smile that had graced Roxas’ face disappeared.

“He just, understood the mindset I had. And maybe he saw that as a way to control me, or to just have some fun. Either way, it’s not like I’ll ever have to deal with him again.” The redhead agreed with that statement strongly. _‘Never’_

Axel was just about to hug his blonde again when two pairs of footsteps could be heard coming towards them. “Roxas!” Sora shouted as he turned the corner and into view. “Where have you-oh.” He must have heard about the argument they had because Sora suddenly became a lot less cheerful, blue eyes becoming just the slightest bit colder.

Riku followed soon after, coming to stand just to the side of the youngest brother. “You good?” he asked Roxas, never taking his eyes off of Axel. The blonde rolled his eyes, knowing that they were just worried.

“I’m fine you guys. We were just working things out.” When he felt his cheeks pink slightly, Roxas scowled as Axel smirked. “I’ll meet you guys at the front gate in a minute, now shoo.”

Riku looked like he was going to say something rude, but Sora simply smiled knowingly before dragging the elder boy away. “C’mon Riku! I can show you the art piece of mine that got put up in the hall!” His voice faded as they left, and Roxas made sure they had completely gone before turning back to Axel.

“So…” Roxas had never felt this awkward around Axel since they first met, and it was embarrassing. “I’ll, see you tomorrow? At the park?” He felt like a little girl. (_axel probably thinks you’re a fool) (**not true! he’s my friend**) _

And then Axel was there again, crowded into his personal space. Kissing him. Before he could even respond, the redhead pulled away, a blinding smile on his face. “At eleven.” He confirmed, turning to walk away. “Make sure you it memorized!” Axel called back, and the blonde touched a hand to his lips as he also left, in a different direction.

As he met up with his brothers, Roxas managed to get a hold of himself, almost back to calm. And then Sora sent him a sly grin and all that work was undone as he blushed cherry red. Riku raised an eyebrow in amusement at the spectacle, as Roxas glared at him.

“You guys are awful.” He mumbled as Leon pulled up to the curb.

Riku threw an arm around the other’s shoulders. “Nah, we’re too much fun for that.” They piled into the car quickly, Riku managing the front seat that night.

As usual, Leon greeted each of his children. “Anything happen at school today?” He could see the glances the three of them were sharing and was curious.

“Roxas has a boyfriend!” Sora sing-songed, making Roxas elbow him. “Ahh, you’re so mean to your older brother!” He complained.

“By half an hour!”

“That’s thirty minutes! And, uhhh…”

A quietly amused voice chimed in. “Eighteen hundred seconds, Sora.”

Sora beamed at his older brother. “Thanks Riku! So you see, you should respect your elders!”

“That means you’re an old man.” Roxas grinned at the insulted look he got for that one.

“If I’m old, what does that make dad?” The brunette had a ‘so there’ look on his face as he said that.

“Distinguished. You’re obviously senile.” Sora stuck his tongue out at Roxas and he flinched back. “See!” The blonde exclaimed. “Definitely senile.”

If asked, Leon would deny the large smile on his face as he raised his voice just loud enough to be heard. “Boys, enough. Roxas, tell me about this boy.”

“How about I bring him over tomorrow instead?” Roxas offered, and Leon was surprised in spite of himself. He didn’t think his son would be so willing to do something like that after hiding his last relationship so heavily.

“Of course. We’d be happy to meet him.” He ignored the snickers that came from his other two sons.

“Man, I wouldn’t word it like that, per say.” Sora commented, and Roxas bumped his shoulder.

But soon enough they settled down, and Roxas stared out the window at the passing scenery, thinking about the week he had just had.

Would he have made the same choices? Even though it would make other people sad or angry, he thought he would. Because even though it was an _awful_ place to be, that dark place that brought him to that peaceful drop, he had learned something from it. Life was precious, even when it was difficult, perhaps especially so. He needed to work on taking the bad with the good, and not let it weigh him down. And he also learnt that his choices affected those he cared for, because they cared about him in return.

And as he stared out the window, he thought of the two boys who had shown all of this to him, and wondered where they could be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vanitus rolled his eyes as he watched the truck roll away from the high school. “See? I told you Blondie’s fine, Ventus. Can we go?”

Ventus sighed good naturedly as he got up from the booth they sat at. “Yes, Vani, we can go. But I think we should keep an eye on him anyways. You know relapses can, and most likely will, happen.”

“I still think we just should’ve beaten the shit out of that Seifer jackass and been done with it. But I guess if you insist. I refuse to use this as our vantage point again though, the food sucks.” Vanitus was not worried about the blonde brat. He _wasn’t_. “Don’t laugh at me Ventus I’ll take Netflix off the laptop.”

The dark haired teen took in the hurt look Ventus gave him with pride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we've hit our first landmark here, the end of this piece. Never fear, however for I have many things planned for my series which I still haven't decided on a name for yet. (a good one at least) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Please remember to comment, and have a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> There is more coming, it doesn't end here. hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to comment. Also please let me know if I missed a tag bc I am horrible at that kind of thing.


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